Squirrelzilla!
Hi,
{A "Flier-Side-Chat" prologue if you will... All told, we've entered over 100 posts in this blog. I've published 81 of those... And in all those posts, it's always been my intention to keep the content varied. For me, it would be all too easy to simply write about the "chickadee beside the garage", and the "other chickadee beside the garage", and the "chickadee behind the garage", etc., etc., etc. But that would be unfair (and ruthlessly boring) for you the reader, and counterproductive for eBirdseed.com... Nope... That ain't the route we're going here. We want to take you from the slightly thoughtful on the moon (Questions for the Future) to the sad (The Long Night) to the instructional (Let's Build a Birdhouse (Post 1 of 2) and Let's Build a Birdhouse (Post 2 of 2)) to the ornithological (A New Ballgame - Amateur Ornithology for the Masses).... And occasionally, we're just going to have fun. This post is one of the fun ones... Hope you enjoy, and hope you continue to contribute your ideas as to the nature of this blog via the comment button...CCA.}
Plain, simple, and fun... The following is a screenwriter's parody/hack job of the 1956 version of "Godzilla, King of the Monsters!"
Start of act one... Queue somber voice of Raymond Burr "sound-a-like"... Roll...
This is Cape Cod. Once a peninsula of nearly a quarter million people. What has happened here was caused by a force which up until a 100,000 years ago was entirely beyond the scope of Man's imagination. Cape Cod, a gnawed memorial to the unknown, an unknown which at this very moment still prevails and could at any time lash out with its terrible destruction in any bird feeder or attic in the joint. There were once many people here who could have told of what they saw... Now there are only a few (the rest are watching TV and eating pie).
My name is CapeCodAlan. I am a foreign correspondent for United World Bird News. I was headed for an assignment in Orleans, when I stopped off in Chatham for a social call; but it turned out to be a visit to the living hell of another world... A hell with so many squirrels and so much riff raff... I've done my best to photograph the unthinkable. For reasons that will soon become obvious, the indigenous peoples call the beasts "Squirellzilla" and "Roban"!
Act one over. Stop Raymond Burr "sound-a-like" background voice. On to action. Squirrel attacks like Godzilla. Audience screams, "Arghhh!!!"
From here on out, you can pretty much write your own script...
Squirelzilla approaching the famed eBirdseed.com billboard. Note the size of the creature. Audiences' minds boggle. (Note to director: Invoke audience memory of Gordon Alan Pterodactyl Squirrel.)
Suddenly, Roban enters the scene, and working with Squirrelzilla, tears the gigantic eBirdseed billboard to pieces!
Sign destroyed, Roban leaves, and Squirrelzilla has no option but to climb the broadcasting tower. Arghhh!!! (Note to director: Don't worry about the non sequiturs. Typical individual in audience will still be fiddling with 3-D glasses and trying to figure out why he has no date, but just blew $23 on a soda and a popcorn.)
Finally, note to writers: Work out hokey ending with noble sacrifice, resolution of tragic love triangle given unjust sociological norms... Also leave possibility for sequel.
Run Raymond Burr "sound-a-like" background voice... The menace was gone (not)... so was a great deal of seed. But the whole world can wake up, put down the pie, and refill the feeders.
See you by the feeders on the sound stage,
CapeCodAlan
{A "Flier-Side-Chat" prologue if you will... All told, we've entered over 100 posts in this blog. I've published 81 of those... And in all those posts, it's always been my intention to keep the content varied. For me, it would be all too easy to simply write about the "chickadee beside the garage", and the "other chickadee beside the garage", and the "chickadee behind the garage", etc., etc., etc. But that would be unfair (and ruthlessly boring) for you the reader, and counterproductive for eBirdseed.com... Nope... That ain't the route we're going here. We want to take you from the slightly thoughtful on the moon (Questions for the Future) to the sad (The Long Night) to the instructional (Let's Build a Birdhouse (Post 1 of 2) and Let's Build a Birdhouse (Post 2 of 2)) to the ornithological (A New Ballgame - Amateur Ornithology for the Masses).... And occasionally, we're just going to have fun. This post is one of the fun ones... Hope you enjoy, and hope you continue to contribute your ideas as to the nature of this blog via the comment button...CCA.}
Plain, simple, and fun... The following is a screenwriter's parody/hack job of the 1956 version of "Godzilla, King of the Monsters!"
Start of act one... Queue somber voice of Raymond Burr "sound-a-like"... Roll...
This is Cape Cod. Once a peninsula of nearly a quarter million people. What has happened here was caused by a force which up until a 100,000 years ago was entirely beyond the scope of Man's imagination. Cape Cod, a gnawed memorial to the unknown, an unknown which at this very moment still prevails and could at any time lash out with its terrible destruction in any bird feeder or attic in the joint. There were once many people here who could have told of what they saw... Now there are only a few (the rest are watching TV and eating pie).
My name is CapeCodAlan. I am a foreign correspondent for United World Bird News. I was headed for an assignment in Orleans, when I stopped off in Chatham for a social call; but it turned out to be a visit to the living hell of another world... A hell with so many squirrels and so much riff raff... I've done my best to photograph the unthinkable. For reasons that will soon become obvious, the indigenous peoples call the beasts "Squirellzilla" and "Roban"!
Act one over. Stop Raymond Burr "sound-a-like" background voice. On to action. Squirrel attacks like Godzilla. Audience screams, "Arghhh!!!"
Squirelzilla approaching the famed eBirdseed.com billboard. Note the size of the creature. Audiences' minds boggle. (Note to director: Invoke audience memory of Gordon Alan Pterodactyl Squirrel.)
Suddenly, Roban enters the scene, and working with Squirrelzilla, tears the gigantic eBirdseed billboard to pieces!
Sign destroyed, Roban leaves, and Squirrelzilla has no option but to climb the broadcasting tower. Arghhh!!! (Note to director: Don't worry about the non sequiturs. Typical individual in audience will still be fiddling with 3-D glasses and trying to figure out why he has no date, but just blew $23 on a soda and a popcorn.)
Finally, note to writers: Work out hokey ending with noble sacrifice, resolution of tragic love triangle given unjust sociological norms... Also leave possibility for sequel.
Run Raymond Burr "sound-a-like" background voice... The menace was gone (not)... so was a great deal of seed. But the whole world can wake up, put down the pie, and refill the feeders.
See you by the feeders on the sound stage,
CapeCodAlan
Comments
I'm still laughing so hard I can barely type! What an imagination you have! I love this. Joanne
Posted by: joanne | May 15, 2007 4:27 AM