eBirdseed.com Wild Bird Feeding Blog

Unknown Lobster Lady (laughing) in parking lot: "Hey mister! Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I mean I've got the lobster and you've got the clams..."

Me (laughing): "How much did they want to charge you for shipping?"

Unknown Lobster Lady (laughing): "Eighty-five dollars for one lousy lobster. How much did they want to charge you?"

Me (laughing): "One hundred dollars for shipping 22 clams. But then he changed his mind and threw me out..."

Yeah... That's a strange way to introduce a post, but it was a strange day... Let me start from the beginning.

The day before yesterday, I went clamming to get some quahogs for my boss (Gordon) who lives in Minnesota. (See "Cape Cod Quahogging* and a Note for the Boss in Minnesota".) The clamming was rocky, but I eked out enough littlenecks to give the boss and his family a decent snack. So far so good... Yesterday, the plan was to overnight (or 2nd day) ship them to the Big Guy. Easy... I'd saved a Styrofoam packing cooler and ice that was used to ship vacuum-packed food in before... I'd saved the bubble wrap... I'd preprinted the address... Handing the package off to those nice delivery folks was going to be 60 seconds... Two minutes tops. They could inspect the contents, tape the shipping cooler shut (I even brought my own packing tape), and as The "Great One" would say, "Away we go!"

Now, let's give this story a little foreboding... Do you remember when you were a kid and you used to ride your bike "no hands"? Remember taking your hands off the handle bars? Remember what happened when the front wheel abruptly turned sideways? Come on, admit it! You remember the moment just before the crash when that "Little Voice" in the back of your head whispered those fog-soft words, "Uh oh, this one is going to hurt..."

Back to the story... So, I was in the delivery store standing in line behind a very nice couple with two boxes. Like me, they had prepacked but not sealed, and they'd done an excellent job of it too. (I've moved at least 10 times in my life, and I know a good packing job when I see one.) The young man at the counter (who, from this point forward in the story shall be referred to as "Mr. Soulless Zombie Highwayman") indifferently informed them that they had to unpack everything and repack in the store's own bubble wrap. And how much did said bubble wrap cost you ask? $75. I kid you not. "It's very expensive," stated "Mr. Soulless Zombie Highwayman". That's when the "Little Voice" spoke... "Uh oh, this one is going to hurt..." At some point another woman entered the store with a package... It turns out that she had a live lobster, and after a brief confab behind the counter, another clerk told her that the shipping charge was going to be $85 even though she carefully prepacked... She just stood at the counter in disbelief. Again, that "Little Voice" spoke... "Uh oh, this one is going to hurt..." And as for the couple in front of me? The total cost to ship two boxes (after the couple repacked them) was $500. "Mr. Soulless Zombie Highwayman" didn't weigh the package... He just rattled off $500. I swear this is true. Once again, the "Little Voice" spoke... "Uh oh, this one is going to hurt..." So, as the couple stumbled away to find cartage elsewhere, I stepped up to greet "Mr. Soulless Zombie Highwayman". Still, I put on my "proactive, upbeat, ingratiating, confidant" hat, and politely offered that I had 22 clams iced and ready to migrate to Minnesota in a commercial-grade shipping container. (At which point, the now spectator Lobster Lady stated, "It would be cheaper if you flew them there yourself.") Now, the "Little Voice" was no longer little. "Mr. Soulless Zombie Highwayman" looked at the package and quoted $100. Keeping my cool, I asked if maybe I could ship 3 to 5 days and reduce the cost a little? "Nope," was the simple answer, but with a follow-up... "You know what? We're not going to accept the package. I'm the guy who makes the decisions around here, and we won't ship it. That's it." He wasn't mad. He wasn't sarcastic. He wasn't defensive. He didn't offer explanation, or alternatives to any of us... We either paid whatever he wanted, or we were free to go with packages still in hand. Happy holidays.

So what does all this have to do with birdseed you might ask? Everything! I was so incredulous by the time I got home that I just stood and watched the birds and the squirrels. Then it hit me that the picture below sums up the experience. Selfishness... Gluttony... Arrogance...



See you by those disappointed feeders,

CapeCodAlan

P.S. Don't worry Gordon... As soon as I got home, I made the chowder myself and put it in the deep freeze... I'll vacuum pack it and that will give me more shipping time to use the USPS... Sorry to deny you the fun of cooking it yourself though...